


abandoned

by frenchbaguette



Series: A-Z Hamilton Oneshots [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst angst angst angst, Character Death, Drunk Sex, Established Relationship, Implied suicide at the end, Implied/Referenced Sex, Laurette - Freeform, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, hamlaf, this is just a big bundle of angst and nope I'm sorry, this is just super angsty I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 16:51:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12511900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frenchbaguette/pseuds/frenchbaguette
Summary: He clutches his hand, watches as John's chest comes to a halt. Barely pays attention to the sound of the heart monitor flatlining. He only focuses on one thought.His boyfriend has abandoned him.





	abandoned

**Author's Note:**

> I was in an angsty mood so I wrote this, yay
> 
> translations for the french are at the bottom

Laf still remembered when he and Alex had broken up.

"Laf, I don't think this is working out," Alex had said, his words making his heart stutter in his chest.

"W-what do you mean, mon amour?" Laf had stumbled over his own words, looking shocked.

"I.. don't think we should date anymore," Alex had replied, his eyes shining with tears, "It.. it just isn't working out, Laf! You're an amazing person, you don't deserve me. It's not your fault, its me. I love you, I always will, but... can we just be friends, instead?"

"O-of course, Alex," Laf had replied, though his voice cracked. "If you feel this isn't working out, you.. you will always have the right to back out."

Just like that, with only a few simple words, Laf's heart had been shattered.

He felt even emptier as he watched Alex leave later that day, suitcases packed with his stuff in the trunk.

That was the first time Laf had been abandoned, and he swore it wouldn't happen again. That was when he went to the bar, that was when he met John Laurens, and that was when he took the boy home and fucked him into his mattress.

*******

John Laurens was an amazing man. Truly and utterly amazing. He was even stunning to look at; soft tan skin with an array of freckles spread evenly all over his body, and a head of beautiful brown curls that Laf wanted to tangle his fingers in and never let go. A mouth of pearly teeth that made the prettiest smiles. All in all, he was completely fucking lovestruck. One night of amazing drunk sex stretched onto a week, then several. Laf completely enjoyed John's company, and it seemed so did he. Soon, they didn't even have to meet at the bar to be able to have drunk sex.

Eventually, Laf mustered up the courage to ask John the big question.

"Hey, John?" Laf had asked one morning as they were walking down the sidewalk towards a coffee shop.

"Yes?" John replied, yawning lightly before looking up at him- and fuck, Laf's heart was doing backflips just from the affection in his wide mocha eyes. He wanted him, he needed him.

"I.. have a question," Laf stopped walking, and John stilled as well.

"What is it?"

Here goes nothing.

"John Laurens, I-I love you, and I'd like it if you wanted to maybe be more then just fuck buddies...?" Laf forced out, beet red.

John blushed, but there was a grin across his face, "I thought you'd never ask!"

"Sorry, what?"

"Yes, I'll be your boyfriend, you big French goof," John was smiling from ear to ear, and Laf positively melted.

For the first time since his and Alex's breakup, he felt loved. The hole in his heart had been filled.

As they stood there on the sidewalk, Laf leaned in and kissed him.

*******

John Laurens was an amazing boyfriend. Stolen kisses, sweet words and cuddles were just some of the things that he looked forward to. Every morning that he woke up cuddling with John, he felt fucking blessed to have such a supportive boyfriend. God, he was even better then Alex.

He made him feel loved, appreciated, needed. John was truly the greatest.

Six blissful months passed since they'd gotten together, every moment of it feeling like heaven to Laf. However, all good things come to an end. 

Laf figured that out the hard way.

It'd just been a normal day, Laf and John had been making their way downtown to have lunch at some high key restaurant Laf had insisted they go to. They occasionally got odd looks, but they ignored them, enjoying each other's company. They didn't see the man until John knocked shoulders with him.

John had recovered quickly, muttering a hurried 'sorry' before he dashed to catch up with Laf. The man had not been so fortunate.

Before Laf could process it, the man had whipped out a gun and fired.

Bang.

No... Laf refused to believe it. His hands hurriedly checked any vulnerable spots, but upon finding no bleeding gunshot wounds, he paused. Then he remembered.

Oh fuck.

Laf turned around just in time to see John collapse onto the sidewalk, clutching at his side.

"John!" He wanted to yell, but all that came out was a choked cry as he ran over, "Holy fuck, John! Are you okay?!?"

"Nghh.." John groaned weakly, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. "Laf, it hurts..."

"I know, baby, I know, just hang on," He replied as he fumbled for his phone, almost dropping it twice as he punched in a number and put the phone to his ear.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Yes, hello, I need help! M-my boyfriend's been shot!" His voice cracked as he realized what was happening. His boyfriend was bleeding. He could die.

Hysterics kicked in and he broke down sobbing, barely managing to give the operator their address. Soon enough, though, the operator was assuring him the ambulance would be there soon, and he was hanging up, taking shaky breaths.

"Laf.." John whined softly, "It hurts.. so much.."

"I know, baby, I know," Laf replied, squeezing his hand, "But you gotta hang in there for me, okay? You're a strong, beautiful man, you can do this."

John groaned and weakly turned his head away, just clutching Laf's hand. His heart thrummed in his ears as he waited for the ambulance.

Now it was just a race against time.

When the ambulance finally pulled up, followed by a few police cars, Laf nearly cried in relief. As they were loading John onto the stretcher, Laf took off the hoodie he'd been wearing and draped it over his boyfriend's midsection. The last thing he saw was John giving the paramedics a small smile before the ambulance doors shut and they cruised away.

He then heard footsteps and yelling, and when he glanced over he saw the man who'd shot John was handcuffed and being hauled towards a police car.

He left with a victorious smile on his face.

*******

Despite what he wanted to hope, John didn't get better.

John had been whisked straight into surgery, and had been for the last four hours. The doctors had told him the bullet had passed through his abdomen, before ultimately lodging itself somewhere in John's hip. Laf's foot twitched against the pristine white floor as he waited. At least he wasn't alone.

Alex sat beside him, quietly reading a newspaper.

"Alex, aren't you worried?!?" Laf hissed, "John could be fucking dead!"

"Calm down, Laf," Alex set the newspaper down and took Laf's hand in a comforting gesture. "He's fine, I'm sure of it. The doctors here are skilled at what they do, he's in good hands."

Laf bit his lip and took a deep breath, glancing around the waiting room. His gaze fell upon a pot of flowers on the receptionist's desk.

The flowers dampened his mood.

It took another thirty minutes, but at long last, a doctor finally came out. Laf gasped in relief, going to get up- but then he saw the grim expression on the doctor's face, and his heart plummeted in his chest.

"Mr. Lafayette-" The doctor began.

"Please, just call me Lafayette," Laf interrupted. The doctor simply nodded, tight-lipped.

"I have good news and bad news, Lafayette," Alex squeezed Laf's hand at this, "Which would you like to hear first?"

"G-good," Laf stuttered, tightly gripping Alex's hand for support.

"The good news is, your boyfriend is out of surgery," The doctor began with a small quirk at the corners of his mouth, before his expression fell, "However, the bad news is... John is in critical condition right now, something went wrong during surgery and.. we don't think he's going to make it."

It was Alex all over again; Laf felt the tears build in his eyes, "R-really?"

"Yes, Lafayette. I'm sorry," The doctor turned away, "You may come say your goodbyes if you wish."

Laf immediately jumped up, trailed by Alex as he followed the doctor into the room. His heart caught in his throat.

John laid still, shallowly breathing on the hospital bed, a sheet covering up to his chest.

"Oh, mon chaton..." Laf murmured softly, coming over and lightly stroking John's cheek as he took in the sight of him. He looked positively awful.

Laf stood there in silence for about forty minutes before, at long last, John slowly blinked open his eyes and groaned. Laf gasped in relief.

"Mon amour, you're awake!" He murmured softly, watching as John turned his head to look at him.

His gut twisted at the raw pain in John's eyes, which he quickly masked with a smile. "L-Laf," He whispered.

"Yes, chaton, I'm here," He replied, staring into John's shining mocha eyes.

"I.. need to tell you something,"

"Anything, John," Laf gently took John's hand and clutched it, biting his lip.

"Je suis toute à vous," John coughed out, managing a weak chuckle at Laf's shocked expression.

"How do you know French?"

"When you have an attractive French-native boyfriend, you pick up on some stuff," John replied softly, before he let out a drawn-out sigh, "Laf, my sweet, God-blessed, amazing boyfriend, I love you..."

"I love you too, mon amour, I love you too," Laf gripped John's hand tighter.

"I'm sorry," Was the last thing John managed out before he shut his eyes again.

No, no, no. No, he couldn't be...

Laf watched numbly as John's chest rose once more, then fell, and then came to a stop. Laf's head was spinning, he felt sick to his stomach; he couldn't be dead. He barely heard or paid attention to the sound of the heart monitor flatlining, as his thoughts raced. His own heart thumped loudly in his ears. Finally, he settled on one single thought.

His boyfriend had abandoned him.

For the second time in his life, he'd been abandoned.

That's when he broke down sobbing.

*******

Laf was a complete and utter mess after John's death. His friends could honestly completely understand; his boyfriend of six months, who he'd loved to fucking hell and back, had just died right in front of his own eyes. However, Laf's case was a bit severe. Just a bit.

Laf had lapsed into a state of depression where he thought he was worthless; he had suicidal thoughts more often then not and occasionally imagined picking up the knife. However, he'd never gone to the lengths of self-harm.

Until now.

Laf stared at the long cut across his wrist that was blossoming with scarlet, the bloodied knife held in a trembling grip in his other hand.

"If I kill myself, I won't have to suffer alone," Laf muttered to himself. Chuckled dryly.

"Alex would be so upset... well fuck him, I don't need him anyway," Laf paused, glanced at the knife that was speckled with blood. His blood.

_If I kill myself, I can finally be reunited with John._

"Mon amour, I'm coming," Laf murmured softly to himself, slowly lifting the red-bladed knife to his tender wrist again.

This time, he wouldn't be able to be abandoned anymore.

He slices into his wrist with a smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> rip john, and rip laf hes just a big mess
> 
> also yay angst
> 
> translations;  
> mon amour- my love  
> mon chaton- my kitten  
> chaton - kitten (obviously)  
> Je suis toute à vous - I am all yours


End file.
